Clubbiness (me and the Oklahoma frat boys)

The overtly racist chants of fraternity brothers at the University of Oklahoma have drawn national outrage. They certainly show that abhorrent attitudes are still around. But they also show something deeper: they reveal the way in which communities turn ugly. It's a dynamic that is not just out there in strange places -- it can easily lead anyone, including you and me, to the edge of nastiness.

Living in an East coast suburb, I often hear people sitting around with their friends talking about the stupidity of Tea Partiers. If I was in other towns I might be hearing groups talk about the arrogance and dishonesty of the Eastern elites. We're all really no different from the frat boys. We're all acting clubby: making ourselves feel good by putting down those we don't agree with, looking to our friends for reinforcement ("Yeah, you're right! They are jerks!"). Few of us make the effort to understand why they feel the way they do, to listen, possibly even to learn.

We all like clubs. They are the kind of community we long for: warm, close, supportive, personal. But in a diverse environment they're not so great: they divide us, let us get away with being lazy and self-righteous. We need another way to build communities.